How It Could Have Been

in these last 5 years.. even i though i did not ask u out outright..

i have worked hard to prepare myself for you.

i labored and made myself awesome

at my age.. i have managed to distinguish myself from the other 20 year old lemmings out there

i dont know what kept me back from asking u out while in college

maybe becoz u were the queen bee..

maybe becoz i have this weird idea that 'i shud be "prepared" for my girl'.

i was preparing

i didnt wan to go on living with out every really trying to do what i wanted to do

thus

i prepped

did a lot of things

hustled

bustled

travelled

topped rooms

topped college

got a red-carpet-arrival job

changed things

changed the world

purged myself of all cultural programming

changed...

and then thus

i asked you out in rainy july

i really dont know what was the trigger

except the fact that i felt that i was done preparing

now comes the 'ask'

and i was late

didnt even have an inkling of your situation

you seem to be a good secret keeper

since then

you are my own personal brand of heroin

my own personal brand of ecstasy

got high on you

tried to talk

tried to let u know m not the same

i have made myself awesome

tried to meet

on a special day

but u seem to be happy with your possessions

u dont seem to be the same one i knew

in our first talk u said u are confused about stuff

i thought

hmm.. here's a partner for the journey

but things didnt move on

u didnt see the change

maybe u are happy

maybe u want me to go on alone

and be awesome alone

if that is so

then say it to my face

i am not bright enough to pick up girly hints

after time

the drug subsided

i saw that u had changed

not the one i knew

in ur mars-venus book

there is this line

'a woman never forgets the men she could have had.. a man never forgets the woman he could not have'

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